thecross

Who is Elmira?

David and Goliath, Guillaume Courtois, 1650-1660

My dear friend 🐝,

God has given me another message to deliver to you, and it all started with a crazy dream that He gave to me. Before I tell you about the dream, here is the message from God to you. It is a passage of scripture about King David from the 2nd book of Samuel the priest. David’s army had just defeated Absalom and his army in their rebellion and insurrection against King David:

“4But the king covered his face, and the king cried with a loud voice, O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son! 5And Joab came into the house to the king, and said, Thou hast shamed this day the faces of all thy servants, which this day have saved thy life, and the lives of thy sons and of thy daughters, and the lives of thy wives, and the lives of thy concubines; 6In that thou lovest thine enemies, and hatest thy friends. For thou hast declared this day, that thou regardest neither princes nor servants: for this day I perceive, that if Absalom had lived, and all we had died this day, then it had pleased thee well. 7Now therefore arise, go forth, and speak comfortably unto thy servants: for I swear by the LORD, if thou go not forth, there will not tarry one with thee this night: and that will be worse unto thee than all the evil that befell thee from thy youth until now. 8Then the king arose, and sat in the gate. And they told unto all the people, saying, Behold, the king doth sit in the gate. And all the people came before the king: for Israel had fled every man to his tent.”

– 2nd Samuel 19:4–8

The meaning of the name, “David,” is “beloved.”

The meaning of the name, “Joab,” is “Jehovah is father.”

The meaning of the name, “Absalom,” is “my father is peace.”

The gate is the place of judgement. It is the city hall. It is the Supreme Court Building and the Capitol Building all wrapped up into one.

Therefore, as this message is given to you, the person of Joab represents myself.  I am your messenger on behalf of God the Father, and the person of David represents you.

You have been stricken with the loss of your peace.  You are in travail of grief.  You are in great sadness.  I have been feeling it for a while now, but these last six weeks have been an exceedingly weighty burden on my soul.  (I am not talking about the heartbreak that I feel for you.  That is something that is always there, and as my love for you grows so does my heartbreak.)  This is a burden that is beyond that heartbreak.  I can feel that you are in a state of turmoil and sadness, unlike anything that you have ever experienced before.

As I said to you in my recent post (“Is Partial Plausibility the Same Thing as Impossible?”), I have never wanted to make you sad, but I know that I have said things to you that have made you sorrowful.  I deeply regret that my words have made you cry, but as I also stated, I have only ever done so out of love.  I have always been truthful with you.  I have never hesitated to tell you the truth, even when I knew it was going to be something hard for you to hear.  I respect you and love you far too much to hide information from you.  Whenever I believe that you need to know about something, I always tell you about it, truthfully and entirely.  How many times have I trusted you with information that was not deemed to be appropriate for you to know, according to the judgement of others?

I deeply regret that I have made you sorrowful, but it is better that you know the truth.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

– Psalm 30:5

However, I know that my words are not the only source of your present misery.  Something far more painful has wounded your spirit, and I feel the weight of it on my own spirit.  I find that I am now praying for you twenty or more times each day.  Neither are these simple prayers.  They are arduous and tear-filled prayers, and many are lengthy and exhausting to my mind, spirit, and body.  I am skipping meals.  I have been losing weight.  I do not understand what it is that is going on with you or what is happening in your life, but it must be very serious.  It feels to my own spirit like it is something that has wounded your spirit as no other experience that you have ever had before.  Therefore, I have been asking the Lord to help me understand why this has been happening and why you are in such turmoil.  So He gave me an answer, and this dream is the beginning of the answer that He gave me:

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Is Partial Plausibility the Same Thing as Impossible?

Lenticular Cloud over Harold’s Cross Dublin Ireland, Omnisource5 – 2015

My friend Bee,

I hope that you are beginning to see that this entire enterprise truly is all about you.  Is it evident to you that I am not trying to glorify myself?  This is all a pretty strange way of going about things, if that was my intent.

Please understand that I have never wanted to cause you stress, anxiety, fear, anger, or any other unpleasant feelings or emotions.  I know that many of the things that I have written to you have caused you grief, sorrow, and pain.  There are certain things that I knew at the time that I wrote them would be a discomfort to you, but there are other things that I have written where I did not foresee tears in your eyes.  However, I have always been careful to be as truthful with you as I could possibly ever be to anyone.  I have leaned very heavily upon God to lead me as I write to you, to be certain that I really am being truthful with you.

This is the problem.  Often times, the truth can be painful, but it is only by facing up to the truth that we can understand what is wrong and where the deception, the lies, and the subtlety exists in our lives.  The truth is a light that reveals the darkness.  Without the truth, we are unable to see the darkness in our lives.

In all soberness and sincerity, I have never knowingly allowed myself to say anything to you that I thought would cause you pain unless it was for the specific purpose to help you understand the truth.  It is out of love that I have thought to cause you to suffer, so that you might know the truth and to be able to see the darkness and to be free from that darkness.  Is it not better that you suffer sorrow and pain for a season in order to discover and to take hold of eternal joy and light, than it is to live in an undisturbed darkness until you finally realize that you will never ever be free from that darkness – a adarkness that continually becomes ever more dark?  I have only ever wanted you to be happy and filled with joy, but you will never be able to find true happiness and to live in untethered joy as long as you are living in darkness.

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The Waiting Drives me Crazy

Person In A Space Suit Waiting At The Bus Stop, Tom Leishman 2020

My dear friend,

It is hard to believe that it has been two whole months since I last posted a letter to you.  When I started working on the Bible studies, I very quickly became inundated with that effort.  I found that I did not have time for anything else.  Virtually everything in my life has been put on the backburner.  Even those daily and weekly activities (such as house cleaning and hygiene) that we all must do in order to keep ourselves fit for living have suffered because of my effort in producing these Bible Studies.

I knew long before I started work on these Bible Studies that they were going to be a very big challenge for me, but now that I am doing them, I find that it is a far greater effort than I could ever have imagined.  It is somewhat humorous; because, when the idea first came to me, I was envisioning that I would simply be reading the text of the Bible to you.  And nothing else!  (This was before God gave me the errand to circumnavigate.)  I had this idea that I would set up a blog site with the main purpose of communicating my own love to you in a way that you might come to realize the true nature of my love for you.  I thought that if I did it that way, that you might understand that I genuinely never had any desires or intentions to take anything from you.

(To this very day, I am still completely perplexed as you why you ever thought that I wanted to exploit you in any way at all.  How could my affections for you have been so completely misunderstood?  From where, and how, did you ever arrive at such a dreadful conclusion?)

I figured that if I communicated to you in the form of blog posts (and the like) that you might see that I am honestly not seeking for nor expecting anything in return.  Although, I have told you this before, but what can I do?  You are trapped in a world of darkness my dearest friend!  I am not able to comprehend what it is that has a hold on your heart and your mind, but this I do know.  It is not of anything that is good and pure!

You say that you do no believe that God exists.  You say that the Bible is fake.  Oh!  But my friend!  You know deep in your heart that those words are only lies.  You know deep in your heart that there is a God.  You know that you … your very own self … you have a soul!  You have a spirit!  Where is that spirit of yours going to go when you pass on from this life to the next?  What are you going to do when you find yourself in that boundless abyss after your body has died and been buried?  What are you going to do when you stand in judgement before that very one that you claim does not exist?

Can you not understand how completely heartbroken I am over you … over your soul?  I make no claim over your body or your soul.  It is God that wants your soul!  God gave you life.  God gave you your body and your mind.  All He is asking is for you to believe in Him.  God has already provided the salvation for your soul.  He simply asks that you believe.

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Pure Love

My dear friend,

Back on February, 20th 2021, I posted a letter for you titled, “Our Shelter.”  You may recall that in that letter I was explaining to you the great paradox that I found myself in, and how I was not able to reconcile the choice between laying down my life for you or for my wife (in a manner of speaking).  I said:

“If I had two lives to give, I would gladly give them both so that God’s love would be made real to you and to her.  It is a great conflict to my soul! … but in truth, I have never actually had a choice in the matter.”

Ultimately, I finished by proclaiming that “she will not accept it!”  I said that she would not accept the perfect love of God that I had attempted to give her for so many years!  I even went on to add that, “She will gladly accept my carnal love, but she will not accept God’s true and perfect love.”  It was a very harsh thing for me to say, and I certainly heard about it!  Especially, from my mother!

I rejoice in my great God and Savior that I have been proven wrong this day!  For this day, I have come to understand that I did not rightly understand the situation.

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