WisdomofGod

I am a worm

Things about Dalet, Word of God / By / / Leave a Comment

My friends,

Perhaps you have noticed that I updated the title for my position at my fledgling company UNIT Materials. Those of you that have worked with me in years past, may have seen this Del Taco employee of the Month certificate hanging on my cube wall next to my other certificates. Obviously, it was gesture of humor, but not without a more sober connotation. One might think that I was poking fun at my Del Taco achievement. If this is how you interpreted this gesture, then you were not understanding me. The Del Taco certificate was placed next to my other certificates as to put all my achievements into proper light.

It is a good thing to strive for achievements, but it is never a good thing to glory in them. When I was a very young man, I worked hard at Del Taco, and I legitimately earned recognition for it. Does my Del Taco certificate stack up to any of my other certificates?

Does that really matter? No, it does not matter!

A certificate is nothing more than proof that we passed a test of some kind in our time here on Earth. That is all that it means.

We all face challenges in life. When we overcome a challenge, we are sometimes recognized by others for that achievement. Yet, we can never take full credit for that achievement. There is always someone to thank for our achievements. Most of all, we could have never achieved anything unless God had created us in the first place. He gives us air to breath, water to drink, food to eat, and He blesses us with everything that we need to overcome the challenges that we receive recognition for.

When we glorify ourselves for our achievement, we rob God. When we let God glorify us for our achievement, then we glorify Him.
As it is said, Satan is the prince of pride. Therefore, this is the reason why I hung up my Del Taco certificate, and it is why I changed my title.

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Is Partial Plausibility the Same Thing as Impossible?

Challenges, Health, Engineering & Fabrication, Love / By / / Leave a Comment
Lenticular Cloud over Harold’s Cross Dublin Ireland, Omnisource5 – 2015

My friend Bee,

I hope that you are beginning to see that this entire enterprise truly is all about you.  Is it evident to you that I am not trying to glorify myself?  This is all a pretty strange way of going about things, if that was my intent.

Please understand that I have never wanted to cause you stress, anxiety, fear, anger, or any other unpleasant feelings or emotions.  I know that many of the things that I have written to you have caused you grief, sorrow, and pain.  There are certain things that I knew at the time that I wrote them would be a discomfort to you, but there are other things that I have written where I did not foresee tears in your eyes.  However, I have always been careful to be as truthful with you as I could possibly ever be to anyone.  I have leaned very heavily upon God to lead me as I write to you, to be certain that I really am being truthful with you.

This is the problem.  Often times, the truth can be painful, but it is only by facing up to the truth that we can understand what is wrong and where the deception, the lies, and the subtlety exists in our lives.  The truth is a light that reveals the darkness.  Without the truth, we are unable to see the darkness in our lives.

In all soberness and sincerity, I have never knowingly allowed myself to say anything to you that I thought would cause you pain unless it was for the specific purpose to help you understand the truth.  It is out of love that I have thought to cause you to suffer, so that you might know the truth and to be able to see the darkness and to be free from that darkness.  Is it not better that you suffer sorrow and pain for a season in order to discover and to take hold of eternal joy and light, than it is to live in an undisturbed darkness until you finally realize that you will never ever be free from that darkness – a adarkness that continually becomes ever more dark?  I have only ever wanted you to be happy and filled with joy, but you will never be able to find true happiness and to live in untethered joy as long as you are living in darkness.

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Is Partial Plausibility the Same Thing as Impossible? Read More »

Science is a Wherry

Challenges, Health, Challenges, Nautical, Circumnavii, Route Plan & Selection, Engineering & Fabrication / By / / 1 Comment

When I first began this blog, I did not anticipate that my struggles with my health and my diet were going to be quite as extreme as they have been.  Neither did I expect the Bible Study effort to be so all-consuming.  Do not get me wrong. I fully anticipated that both of these aspects were going to be exceedingly difficult to handle, yet they both turned out to be far greater challenges than I expected.

I knew that the battle with my gastrointestinal affliction was going to be exceedingly difficult.  After all, I have been battling with this affliction for 20 years.  I knew that it was going to be insanely difficult, but I had no clue that, in the process, I would be uncovering this long-standing body-fluid balance issue.  The whole situation has been a huge surprise to me. It is an incredibly complex problem, and it is not a situation that can be resolved quickly by any means.

With the Bible study, it just never occurred to me that the beginning of the Scofield Bible would contain so many comments to grapple with, as well as comments of such complexity and depth.  With the Scofield Study Bible, well over 10% of all the comments in the entire Bible are contained in the book of Genesis.  Moreover, some of the most complex and comprehensive comments that Dr. Scofield includes in his Bible are situated in the first half of the book of Genesis.  Therefore, the effort to produce these Bible studies, here at the beginning, has been about three times as great as what I anticipated.

As a result, I have had no choice but to completely neglect the care and feeding of my blog, and, more importantly, I have not been able to focus my attention on you as I feel that I should.  As I stated in my most recent blog post, “The Waiting Drives Me Crazy,” God has let me face these difficulties for very definite purposes.  There are reasons why these difficulties have come about, and they are very good reasons.  Furthermore, they are all reasons that need to be explained; however, I cannot explain them to you until you understand more about the quest itself.

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The Waiting Drives me Crazy

Challenges, Challenges, Health, Love / By / / 9 Comments
Person In A Space Suit Waiting At The Bus Stop, Tom Leishman 2020

My dear friend,

It is hard to believe that it has been two whole months since I last posted a letter to you.  When I started working on the Bible studies, I very quickly became inundated with that effort.  I found that I did not have time for anything else.  Virtually everything in my life has been put on the backburner.  Even those daily and weekly activities (such as house cleaning and hygiene) that we all must do in order to keep ourselves fit for living have suffered because of my effort in producing these Bible Studies.

I knew long before I started work on these Bible Studies that they were going to be a very big challenge for me, but now that I am doing them, I find that it is a far greater effort than I could ever have imagined.  It is somewhat humorous; because, when the idea first came to me, I was envisioning that I would simply be reading the text of the Bible to you.  And nothing else!  (This was before God gave me the errand to circumnavigate.)  I had this idea that I would set up a blog site with the main purpose of communicating my own love to you in a way that you might come to realize the true nature of my love for you.  I thought that if I did it that way, that you might understand that I genuinely never had any desires or intentions to take anything from you.

(To this very day, I am still completely perplexed as you why you ever thought that I wanted to exploit you in any way at all.  How could my affections for you have been so completely misunderstood?  From where, and how, did you ever arrive at such a dreadful conclusion?)

I figured that if I communicated to you in the form of blog posts (and the like) that you might see that I am honestly not seeking for nor expecting anything in return.  Although, I have told you this before, but what can I do?  You are trapped in a world of darkness my dearest friend!  I am not able to comprehend what it is that has a hold on your heart and your mind, but this I do know.  It is not of anything that is good and pure!

You say that you do no believe that God exists.  You say that the Bible is fake.  Oh!  But my friend!  You know deep in your heart that those words are only lies.  You know deep in your heart that there is a God.  You know that you … your very own self … you have a soul!  You have a spirit!  Where is that spirit of yours going to go when you pass on from this life to the next?  What are you going to do when you find yourself in that boundless abyss after your body has died and been buried?  What are you going to do when you stand in judgement before that very one that you claim does not exist?

Can you not understand how completely heartbroken I am over you … over your soul?  I make no claim over your body or your soul.  It is God that wants your soul!  God gave you life.  God gave you your body and your mind.  All He is asking is for you to believe in Him.  God has already provided the salvation for your soul.  He simply asks that you believe.

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Pure Love

Love, Word of God / By / / Leave a Comment

My dear friend,

Back on February, 20th 2021, I posted a letter for you titled, “Our Shelter.”  You may recall that in that letter I was explaining to you the great paradox that I found myself in, and how I was not able to reconcile the choice between laying down my life for you or for my wife (in a manner of speaking).  I said:

“If I had two lives to give, I would gladly give them both so that God’s love would be made real to you and to her.  It is a great conflict to my soul! … but in truth, I have never actually had a choice in the matter.”

Ultimately, I finished by proclaiming that “she will not accept it!”  I said that she would not accept the perfect love of God that I had attempted to give her for so many years!  I even went on to add that, “She will gladly accept my carnal love, but she will not accept God’s true and perfect love.”  It was a very harsh thing for me to say, and I certainly heard about it!  Especially, from my mother!

I rejoice in my great God and Savior that I have been proven wrong this day!  For this day, I have come to understand that I did not rightly understand the situation.

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The Great Physician

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The Brazen Serpent, Johann König, 1601-1642

My dear friend,

In part two of the explanation of my gastrointestinal issues (titled, “Not by Bread Alone”), I wrapped up the story of my sore tummy and how I arrived at my current condition.  I also introduced the prescription that God has given me to treat my illness and prepare me for my trip around the Globe, a fast.  The interesting thing is that He has not told me how long I am supposed to be on this fast for.  As of today, I have been fasting for nine straight days.  For some reason, I suspect that I will be on this fast for a total of 21 days, but God has yet to confirm that notion.  For all I know it could be 40 days.  Perhaps, He does not want me freak out at the thought that I have 32 days more to go, so He simply is not telling me.

I find that God does that very thing quite often with me.  There are facts that He will not give me until the very last minute; because, He knows that it would crush me if I knew certain details any sooner than necessary.  It is a great comfort to rest in God’s infinite understanding and knowledge, and to trust that He always knows what it best.  When I am truly following His will, I never have to worry about dark the path that is ahead of me.  He provides a path through the menacing gauntlet every time!   Yet I do not understand why it is, but I often worry and fret regardless.  God has been faithful to deliver me time and again – practically every day of my life – and I still cannot seem to remember that fact, until I stop for a moment, pray, and reflect on all His goodness.

In my last post I mentioned the fact that the fungal infection that I am fighting against is an outbreak of Geotrichum candidum in two different areas of my large intestines: in the cecum and in the descending colon.  I also mentioned that I have tried many different treatment protocols over the years, and that none of them have ever been effective enough to overcome the outbreak.  This is true even after I made adjustments to target Geotrichum candidum specifically, and my supposition for this condition is that the infection has taken up root in my appendix.

The problem is that there is no way to delivery enough of any anti-fungal agent to the areas of infection in order to completely wipe it out.  I have come remarkably close a few different times, but in the end, I simply cannot get to the foothold that it has established deep inside my appendix.  What I have determined is that the only way it can be fully exterminated is to starve is out.  I have to stop feeding the fungal colony, which means that I have to stop eating.  Moreover, I must be very careful not to drink any more water than necessary, as water aids in the survival of the fungus.

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Not by Bread Alone

Challenges, Challenges, Health, Prayer / By / / Leave a Comment
Lord’s cup and bread and bible, John Snyder, 2013

My dear friend,

When I last expounded upon the details of my gastrointestinal issues in one of my previous posts (titled, “Spilling my Guts”), I was only able to tell you half of the story.  Now I would like to take the opportunity to tell you the other half of the story, and to introduce the plan that God has for my deliverance from this affliction.

In the post, Spilling my Guts, I explained how the doctors that I had seen over the years were limited by their own system of pathophysiology (or pathology, take your pick), and how that became the primary obstacle preventing them from properly diagnosing my issue.  Furthermore, I explained how I was blessed by God to meet a doctor that could help me, the late Dr. Vincent Marinkovich.  Dr. Marinkovich was able to properly diagnose the problem, but then he died before I could be appropriately treated for my illness.

Nonetheless, God was faithful in leading me to finding a solution for the original problem that I had, which was Candidiasis (aka overgrowth of Candida albicans).  However, this was a process that took a few more years.  During that time of self-treatment, I was able to get rid of the Candidiasis, but there was a different fungus that moved in and took up residence in place of the Candida albicans.  I do not have any clear notion of when this happened.  For a number of years, I thought that I was still fighting the Candida albicans, when in reality I was fighting this new fungus, Geotrichum candidum.

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Our Shelter

Engineering & Fabrication, Prayer / By / / Leave a Comment
Nesting Tree Swallow, Herkimer County, NY

My dear friend,

I began to write another sketch about my wife, but the Lord forbad me.  Nevertheless, with the few that I have already written, I think you can see that I truly do value, honor, and love her.  How could I ever deny all that she has meant to me and the great influence that she has had on my life?  Thus I find myself in a great straight!  God has put it into my heart to sacrifice myself for you.  How do I reconcile this paradox?  I only have one life to give.  If I had two lives to give, I would gladly give them both so that God’s love would be made real to you and to her.  It is a great conflict to my soul! … but in truth, I have never actually had a choice in the matter.

For many hundreds of long agonizing days and nights, I felt as if it were a test.  How would I chose?  I did not understand the reality of the situation.  Indeed, it was a great while before I was able to comprehend what it was that God was telling me, and then my eyes were opened so that I was able to see what God was showing to me all along.  There has ever only been one door open!  This is not because God is limited.  All things are possible with God.  If He had wanted to use me to show the perfect love of God to her, He would have made it possible at some point in the last 25 years.  Yet, despite all my tears, prayers, and supplications to my faithful God and Lord! … it never did happen!

Why?

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